"Not another feminist post"
We need men!
This article is me calling on men's support with these issues. We need men! We don't need them to think we aren't on their side, or we're here to call out or subject them to any misdemeanour, we need them to work with us and stand with us on these issues.
Why? Because this isn't a women's issue, this isn't a mans issue, but a societal issue. We need men to work together with us on this one and not to banish them, more men need to become feminist and here's why.
Men are attacking men, not women.
With the difficult and horrifying, sad news coming to light of a woman walking home and being attacked and murdered, it is all fresh in our minds how this affects us as women. We all know that women have been told their whole lives to "stay safe", and we have taken measures and still do, to keep us safe.
Well lit paths on the way home, keys between your knuckles, defence mechanisms, speaking on the phone, pretending to speak on the phone, trying to keep eye contact from males as you're walking alone. Wearing "suitable" clothing so to not entice any form of sexual assault or rape, because you know, we leave women accountable for their own attacks or rape. We teach our girls how to not be raped and how to keep ourselves safe, but we don't teach our boys how not to rape or attack women.
Lets stop teaching our girls "how not to be raped", and teaching our boys to not rape.
I had an argument recently with a male peer on how statistics prove that men have their issues and are more likely to be affected by violence walking alone at night than women. But who are the ones causing the violence? Men. Us women don't jump out at night and decide to attack men. Men are physically stronger than us for one, so we're not going to jump out to try and assault them. But all in all, statistics prove that men are more likely to commit this crime.
"Not all men"
I'm not saying "all men", and I understand the "not all men" trend, of course not all men! But a lot of men, and we don't know which men. This is why men need to stand up and fight with us, alongside us. They are giving themselves a bad name, not us. We are simply calling out the behaviours so to keep our girls safe. I also understand a lot of cases are case by case merit, and females can be just as violent. But men don't feel unsafe walking at night because of women. Men don't feel the need to "cover up" in case us women assault them, wither it be physically, sexually or verbally.
Misogyny, where does it start? Have a read...
Men have not been taught in years previous to be "submissive" to their wives so to not feel the wrath of their husbands, as Philosopher Rousseau writes in his book Émile, "it is for you to obey, just as nature wanted it," (1979, [1762] p. 478), and "woman is made to please and be subjugated' and so 'ought to make herself agreeable to man" (1979, [1762], p. 358). Mary Wollstonecraft makes an incredible argument back to Rousseau, calling out his points and having quite ground-breaking revelations during the time she was alive.
Philosophers and men throughout time have told us to be agreeable and to not disobey man. You only have to look at the reputation Cleopatra has, Cassius Dio and Plutarch are male writers just after the time of Cleopatra who write in favour of the Romans. Their bias is right there from the beginning and because of this they create this women with deviant qualities, addressing the way she used her sexuality in a way to "seduce" and capture these men, (Caesar and Mark Antony). This reputation has been passed down over the years, we only have to think about the reputation Cleopatra has in our heads today to see that Misogyny was rife in society just then as it is now. On the other hand though, the Arabic's talk about the scholar, philosopher and educator that Cleopatra was, an intelligent woman, yet we don't hear that. Do we?
Did it start here? Who truly knows where it started, but the "Virgin Mary" is another example. Her purity and virginity being something men wrote about and documented greatly, creating this version of a woman that is "submissive", "pure" and is the ideal "housewife". Mary is only mentioned 19 times in our bibles works yet we have this great idea of who she was, when there is actually no evidence at all she ever existed, no discussion over her character nor what she physically looked like. Yet man made her out to the an emblem of how women "should act". It is all here, shaped throughout our history, this is not a new thing.
Women hatred forums are a thing.
No, misogyny is not a new concept, it has been around for years and we need to stop it. The hatred of women. There are books to explore this further and one I will suggest that we read, and especially mothers of sons is "Men who Hate Women", by Laura Bates.
Did you know there are web forums all about hating women? About raping women, and assaulting them? Where it is glorified and even organised. No? Either did I. Laura discusses this to length in her book, and it is worrying. These are called "incel forums", extremely hard reading so please tread on the error of caution.
"We have come a long way", but there's still a long way to go.
So for those of you men and women who think "we don't have this in our society anymore, it's long gone. We've come a long way since then", yes you are correct, we have come a long way where women are now allowed to work, vote, drive and be a part of society. But these web forums still exist, this hatred for women still exists, and we need to stop it. We still have a long way to go!
Don't believe me? I'll further prove it to you! You don't need to look any further than rape culture tactics such as; men who sleep with women are "cool", but women who do the same thing are "sluts". Men are taught about masturbation and it's commonly talked about, but with women their pleasure is shunned. Need I explain more? It can get complex, but I'll leave it there for now.
I hate the fact just as much as you do, that men have been taught to suppress their emotions, to be "strong" and deny any likelihood of feeling. I hate the fact my son will grow up in a world that men are made to measure dick-size, wallet size, how many girls they've slept with or their rapist jokes in order to inflate their ego and have any worth in the world. This is wrong and it has to stop.
We don't want to oppress men, we want men to help.
Men hate feminism because they feel we want to oppress them, but that's not the case. We don't want to become the oppressor, we don't want to "beat men into submission", all we want is to be equal to men and not to fear them. We know how it feels to be victimised and blamed for our assaults, we know how it feels to be subjected to harassment, and we don't want that for our men either, we want to help. We want the gender pay gap to stop, we want fear to stop. We just want to be able to live our lives freely as men do.
Education starts at home.
This starts at home. We need to educate our sons on these societal issues, we need to address the uncomfortable situations at home. We need to speak better in terms of other women. It is agreeable that violent people exist on all playing fields, no matter race, religion, sexuality or gender. 100%, there are also the issues such as higher suicide rates in men, and that is entirely correct.
But who created these issues? Because as a woman, I feel entirely comfortable talking about my mental health, but why do men not? I'll tell you why, because of men. Society created this ideology that it's "weak" to talk about our feelings, and therefore us women being the "weaker" sex, have already mastered this. Society gave us no option but to be submissive, until amazing women fought for our cause to get us where we are today. But we need to take this one step further.
Men created the society we live in, and us women are trying to fix that.
I entirely empathise with the problems that males face today, I have a son myself and I have no hatred for the male gender, regardless of being seen as a "feminist", as that's not the true meaning of feminism (the hatred of men), but rather equal opportunities for all. But we cannot stand up and fight for men when we are still oppressed, for us to come together and dominate all of todays issues, we need to stand together. We need to employ more women into power. We need to feel we have a voice, and we can't have that silenced just because of our vulvas, (reproductive organs).
Women are starting to take back their power, reclaim their sexuality and silence the misogynistic voices that have been ingrained so deeply in us for so long. Not without men having their say of course, on our bodies, on abortions, on reproductive practices, contraception, clothing and the list goes on. Men feel entirely entitled to tell us what to do and it has to stop. We don't tell men how to dress, act or to "smile". We appreciate them and respect them as our peers and we need them to do it back otherwise society is not going to move forward and their issues are not going to be addressed and resolved.
"But women are better off in society because they don't get the same jail time for the same crimes"...
Another issue that was brought forward to me how women are better off in society than men, was the case of how women don't have the same sentences for their crimes, and I agree, that is wrong. But who created that? Men. The male Patriarchy created that issue by determining that women should "stay at home" and look after the kids, thus judges determining factors for jail time on the basis they have a motherly role at home. Again, a man-made concept.
Male Patriarchy is just as damaging to men as it is to women.
And you wonder why we want to remove the male patriarchy of society? It's damaging to men just as much as it is to women. We all need to create a better dynamic to live in, because males are now becoming the victims of their fallen comrades who created this weirdly-shaped dynamic world we live in. It's benefiting no one and us females understand and acknowledge that, you males need to as well.
We need to work together on this, and we need men to stand with us. Show us who the "not all men" are, stand with us and be a voice for us. You all have mothers, you may have sisters and some of you have daughters. This is an issue that is for us all and by standing together we create harmony. We will fight for you too, but first we need to ask that you fight for us.
Banish Rape Culture.
Go against the locker room "banter" when a sexist and rape joke is told, educate your peers. 90% of rapes are by people we know, so you know them too. They are your friends, your siblings, your parents and relatives. These people are out there and they're not hiding in bushes, they are going to parties with you and society has embraced "rape culture" for so long that we normalise it. Stop normalising it, we need everyone to realise there needs to be change. We need to be the change, for our daughters, for our sons and for the future.
Choose empowerment, because our sisters fought hard to get us here, but we have to keep going.
Take care,
Meghan x
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