The Dark Side of Social Media

Is Social Media actually creating fake illusions of who we actually are?

My answer? Of course it is! We don't act how we portray ourselves on social media, or at least the majority of us don't, and why would we? We don't want to upload our negatives, our bad days, the less glamorous sides to ourselves, and I'm talking personality wise too.

Yes, there are people out there who are totally honest in who they are on social media, they talk about their bad days and open up about it and for the awareness of mental health this is GREAT! Social media is a powerful and very influential tool, if used correctly... Through the use of social media, many careers have been made, many causes have awareness raised, many people have been helped through the likes of the fundraiser pages etc. This is when social media is amazing and brilliant and connects the world on a level we otherwise wouldn't know about. 

Social Media really has its uses.

Like I've mentioned above, social media really does have an amazing way of connecting the world in a way which we couldn't have imagined many years ago. We can keep up-to-date on people we maybe lost connection with years earlier, maybe a school friend we lost touch with, now with a click of a button we can add them, follow them, subscribe to them and feel totally in touch with their reality. 

It's a great and useful tool for business owners, everything is online now. So this blog is NOT about bashing social media, used the right way it's amazing! 

Platform for bullies

But used the wrong way, by the wrong people... it can become the easiest way to bully and cyber-bully. Everyone is very easily contactable, so years ago your home was a "safe-haven" away from the "bullies", where you were surrounded by the people you love and felt safe. Now, you are contactable even when you are lying in your bed by the many means of contact, SMS, WhatsApp, Facebook, Instagram... the list goes on.

So as I've said, in the hands of the wrong person social media can really damage another person. Cyber-bullying is taken very seriously now and there are now new laws on it. (If you bully anyone, you really need to take a long hard look at yourself!)

With that out of the way, lets get down to what I ACTUALLY mean!

So, I was having a discussion with a friend recently and like we have in the past, we have discussed social media and the "presence" people have on it. We have saw it first hand, people who we know personally, putting on this really imaginative and strange front to the world on social media, when we have known them differently. We've always found it very interesting and have discussed it to great lengths, hence the point of this blog post.

So it got us talking, and we noticed the amount of lies being spread online. And by lies I mean, people actually writing lies to their "followers" and pretending (or worse, believing) that what they are saying is correct.

Now most of what you read online HAS to be taken with a pinch of salt, there have been "parody" accounts and social media experiments online to show the fake-ness of some of the profiles we follow. Not only what people say, but how they look. I, myself, have witnessed people stating to be 100% natural in physique when I know them to have had cosmetic or plastic surgery (which I obviously have had myself and don't deny). It creates a false illusion for themselves and everyone around them. Do they believe their lies?

This is not fact, this is only my opinion, which you may or may not agree with. But just ask yourselves the question and the people you follow the question, are they authentic? Are they telling the truth? Social media creates this false sense of reality, we believe we "know" these people, but in my own experience, we really, really don't. We see what they want to post.

Is there a deeper meaning to social media? I believe so, yes. In my own experience and opinion, some of the people with the largest followings on social media are some of the most insecure, nasty, egotistical and narcissistic people I've ever, unfortunately, met. So why do they have this large following? Well, because what they spout to their followers and on their posts sounds really good. They don't come across narcissistic or rude, they manipulate their followers into believing this false sense of inflated ego that every like, follow and comment creates for them. 

But it goes deeper than this...

It really does! Social media has become this illusion created by many people, which they not only use now to inflate their own egos, but they now believe what they put out. I read so many things and I think "wow, what you're saying is so wrong!", but the problem occurs when these people actually believe what they're writing. 

An example I will use would be the likes of a health guru who in real life does nothing healthy, they don't follow what they say, they only upload it to make others buy into their idea of "health" or "fitness/nutrition" that they're trying to sell to them.

Another example would be someone who tells their followers how they've used the negatives in their lives to really overcome their bad days, but in reality they treat everyone around them badly.

I feel like social media has now become a bandage to those who need it most. It's a fake illusion of a reality they've created themselves because they can't stand who they truly are or where their life is. So what they do on social media, really does not correlate across the rest of their lives. Those who are truly damaged inside almost use it as a means of escape, it becomes their drug. They can't get enough.

And it is SO detrimental to those around them. 

How many of us have looked at mums on social media and think bad of ourselves because we don't "look like that" or haven't "bounced back like that" or "couldn't afford that expensive trip"? 

How many of us have looked at fitness influencers, beauty influencers, holistic coaches and thought negative about themselves?

This is exactly what I'm talking about, very few people actually have the "Instagram influencer" lifestyle, its all persona, and I get it. Some people do it for their career, some do it for an ego boost and some do it to fill the hole they have so deeply in their hearts that they won't go to therapy and get the help for.

A place for the weak

Social media has become a place where people with low self esteem can feel credible because they get a few likes on a post or have people follow them and listen to them waffle nonsense. It's become a place of false interactions, false accounts and false information. This makes them feel temporarily better, but it doesn't fix the underlying cause of their unhappiness.

Whilst the rest of us are trying to deal with the real world, we will always have people flaunting lies in our faces, as long as we let it happen. Now, before anyone thinks I'm bashing anyone with low self esteem, I'm really not, I've been there and I've done this exact thing, which is why I'm talking from experience. I've really fed into what people have said online, good and bad about me. It's only now that I'm older that I realise my worth does not lie in likes, comments, follows or whatever else. I'm the only person who truly knows me (like the rest of you, you are the ONLY person who truly knows you! Don't let anyone tell you different either!) I love myself for who I am and no one will tell me different. 

It's a scary environment for us who are raising children, I know I fear of the day my children ask to have social media. My own experiences have been both good and bad, so what way will I react when they are on it? All I know, is that I really don't want to lose my children to the depths of social media. I want them to have human interaction as much as possible, whilst its the way of the world now, and it has good uses, I really don't want them to have so many demons in the real world that they turn to social media for the fake benefit. Which is why I'm trying to create a secure attachment to them so they always know I'm there for them, they don't need the false blanket of reality when they have me.

Scapegoat

As I've said myself, I use writing as a scapegoat, to get everything down in one place and out of my head. But I keep reminding everyone that this is my opinion, you don't need to follow or accept it. With every post, all I aim to do is to get people to question things, ask themselves the same questions I've been asking myself. We will all come up with different ideas, but I like to create food for thought.

Take Care,

Meghan

"Single Parent" Frustration

What do I mean by "single parent"?

If by, "single parent" I mean that I'm not in a relationship with the father of my child, then yes, I am a single parent. As a collective, I don't have much "support". My family live miles away and I've never had much help elsewhere, the downfalls to moving to a new town where you know no one. But it has its pros too... All this in perspective, I don't exactly feel like a "single parent".

You see, to me, a single parent is a female (mostly) who is catering for her children entirely separate and independent from any other person who has parental responsibility for the kid(s). This doesn't mean she doesn't get help from outer sources such as babysitters or her family, (which she SHOULD get and is 100% entitled to!), it mean's that she's doing it without the help of the man who shares the DNA with the beautiful, innocent little kids. (This is not the definition of a single parent, this is MY opinion of what a "single parent" is. In fact, the definition of a single parent is simply: "a person bringing up a child or children without a partner").

Whilst I don't have a "partner", 

I do however, have two children, who don't share the same father. My second child's father couldn't be more in the picture, he helps massively with both children. I am very grateful for all of his help, he does everything he can for me and both my children. From paying for groceries to spending the time and energy with both, he doesn't need to, but he does. To me, he makes my life as a single parent, not exactly that of a single parent at all due to the fact he helps with everything. 

Moving on

So even though I AM the definition of a "single parent", I feel very lucky to have at least one person that is willing to help me with the duties and caring for the two children I am extremely grateful to have. So what is my blog post about? I've said the "frustrations" of single parenting, yet I haven't said one yet? Well here goes...

The "sperm donors" out there.

It makes me sad that I am even writing this, and from my own experience and plenty others too... This isn't about bashing anyone either, I'm just being honest to my own situation. Men out there that are "sperm donors", they create these beautiful little bundles of joy, who don't stay little or unaware. These little, beautiful, innocent new-born babies that don't have a notion what's going on around them, blissfully unaware... They grow up. They become curious kids that ask questions, "why is daddy/dad not around?" "why doesn't he live with us?", for too long I have always blamed myself for the answers to this. I've always found a way around it, a way to navigate away from the actual situation so to not cause any confusion or hurt and create an ulterior reality for the kids, which is in turn, only damaging them more.

I have googled upon googled, researched and studied ways to explain to a child why their dad isn't around, why he chooses not to bother. But the truth is, there is NO way around it, without bashing the other parent you have to explain to your child (age-aware) of the situation. "Some people aren't ready to be a parent", "It's not personal to you, they need to work out things for themselves". The most frustrating part is it ALL FALLS BACK ON YOU! The "sperm donors", as I like to call them, go on about their daily lives as if they don't have a child, and you daren't bring anything up to them, oh no! How dare you! 

I don't get what changes from parent to parent, some parents will go to hell and back for their kid, and some won't even go to work for their kid. The responsibility it seems, falls back on you and solely you, the mom, the one who is doing everything and more, and who usually doesn't even get respect back from the other "parent". 

I try my best...

I really do try my best. I don't just half-bother parenting, yes I have my bad days where I don't enjoy it and days I count down the minutes and seconds to bedtime, that's reality and that's normal. But it's also an indication you're doing it right and are exhausted from it. We often burn ourselves out from parenting and never taking some time for "self-care" (which I will touch on in another blog post). So the days where it feels like bedtime is never going to come and the crying is never going to end, they're normal days and they happen more often than they don't, parenting isn't meant to be easy.

How can it be? We have these miniature actual people that need to be formed by us, they need to learn to regulate their emotions by how we react to situations, they need to learn manners from us, they learn everything from us! (until school takes over of course), but in them oh so important preschool years, we are the be-all and end-all for these little people. How can that be easy? Not to mention the 30 thousand other tasks we have to try and manage, as well as our own "self-care", emotions, hygiene, work, relationships etc (the list goes on and on and on...)

So, what's REALLY frustrating, is when we're trying our absolute hardest to shape these people we made, look after a house, ourselves and everything else, (like I said the list really does go on and on), we have someone else taking a TOTAL backseat on this parenting thing, maybe popping in when they feel like it, when it's suitable for them, when they decide they maybe want to be involved for once, or maybe not popping in at all. 

This is when it feels like parenting gives you a kick in the teeth, you're running about smelling of BO, you haven't showered in a few days, your hair hasn't been washed in a week and you're lacking of food, vitamins, sleep, social interaction from someone other than Mr Tumble, and then you maybe log onto your social media and you see the other parent living their best life. Doing what they want, when they choose, they take for granted that they can go to the toilet in peace, sit down for a poo and not have an audience. 

And what does that do for us? It makes us feel like utter rubbish, we feel jealous, angry, whatever negative emotion comes to mind. How can't you feel that way? Here you are, slaving away, and the other person responsible for the kid is doing their own thing, not giving your kid the time of day, not contacting to see how they are or even acting like their alive. You get no support from them, not mental, certainly not physical and not financial. It hurts. It really, really hurts. And it hurts even more when you look into the eyes of your innocent children who are suffering because someone can't get their act together to be a responsible adult and parent. 

(But don't worry, these negative emotions don't last, they are momentary, because we realise we're not the ones missing out. At the end of the day, these little people are the most amazing accomplishments in our lives and we would NEVER give up being their everything.)

Being a single parent hurts,

But it really is one of the most amazing gifts to ever receive, no matter the negatives, single parents kick ass because they will NEVER let their kids down how another person has. Single parents are among the strongest and bravest people I know, because no matter what, they're there. At 3am when the kids are up being sick, they're there, on the first day of school, they're there. No matter what, single parents truly are the heroes of society and have the biggest backbone known to man.

The old saying "it takes a village to bring up a child", is correct. But you know who does it single handily? Single parents... and they don't even get a thanks for it. They usually get the last word in the other parents mouth, but it's nothing we can't handle, as let's be honest.. we are raising actual, real life PEOPLE here, and we don't have time for your nonsense. 

The good thing though...

I always like to end on a positive, and here it is. Being a single parent does NOTHING to restrict your child, it does NOTHING to their self-esteem, confidence or the person they are.

I love to research everything, to rest-assured I've researched this topic, and it turns out that children who come from single-parent families are no different or "worse off" than those who come from two parent families. In some cases, two parents not being together is better for the family than the two parents together (if the two parents argue, have a volatile relationship etc). 

The facts speak for themselves, what REALLY matters is the relationship between the main caregiver and the child. If that is healthy, don't worry about anything else, they have all they need in you. Do not question yourself. So many people worry and think of themselves as living in a "broken" family, which disgusts me that they'd even think this way. 

It's the 21st century and it's more acceptable for everything,(literally everything) so this way of thinking definitely needs to change, as I've said, the facts speak for themselves. Nothing is "broken" at all, in fact I bet the relationship with your kid is the most special relationship you've ever had, and in the end... "Mother is God in the eyes of a child". So give yourself a pat on the back, you're doing an amazing job...

Take care,

Meghan

Who am I?

It's best I introduce myself to my audience, you'll probably know my name, but I'm almost certain you won't know "me" :)

I'm a mother, I have two beautiful kids. But that's not all I am, I have interests, hobbies, a lot of interesting subjects that I have a passion for and want to express to the world through my writing. One of which, is (you guessed it) writing itself. I have a passion for writing and for as long as I can remember, I've been writing poetry or stories. 

People seem to just "like" what I'm writing, some would say I'm talented at it and some would say my writing inspires them, either way, I appreciate all feedback I get.

Truths

I will write about everything from my own experience, and I have experience in a LOT of different aspects of life. I have went through things one can only imagine, and I will write as truthfully and brutally honest about these events as I can, (sometimes I'm too honest).

Writing for me is a passion, but it is also a therapy. I have been through counselling sessions where talking has helped. I have been to CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) where I have focused on anxiety and how to overcome it. I have read books on mindfulness and tried to understand the meaning of the depth of my fears and worries. I have tried to overcome all of my demons, and I am on that journey still to this day (we can only wish to conquer them, but the destination is not the prize, the journey is the important part!!)

Nothing quite helps me like writing. So from someone who has faced many demons and overcome them, find something you enjoy and use it as a scapegoat into a different reality, I know that writing does that for me. With writing I can create any reality, any character, its a form of expression that I thoroughly enjoy.

What I will discuss

If you go back into my other blogs, "FitnessModelGal" or "MegHan: Model to Mum", you will read about the past, read about the things I used to write about. This blog will be different, a lot different. I'm years older and I have a lot of experience under my belt, my views and opinions may change on certain things (as human beings we must evolve, adapt and change, it's crucial to our survival).

I will get into some sticky topics, some would say I like to be "controversial", but I just believe it's healthy. Questioning things is healthy, whether that be a parenting style, religion, nutrition, whatever it may be you are questioning, you are right to ask questions. If we don't ask questions we will never learn, ignorance is the failure to all things. We must educate ourselves to have a better understanding of the world around us. Do not let anyone tell you any different. If you're told something, you CAN ask "why?", no question is a silly question.

I WANT to cause a stir!

I already know I'm going to spark many debates, debates about women's rights, women's health, women empowerment, rape culture. These are things I am going to get my teeth right into and I am going to cause a stir. I WANT to cause a stir. Getting these topics talked about is important!

So before I go off into a spin talking about these topics, I will stop here and I will get into the nitty gritty on a different blog post ;)

Take care,
Meghan